The two cars raced for some time, the speed rising to sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, then the. "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.". Crap gets scared and jumps out of the car and into the woods next to the road.

Their names are shut up, manners and crap. But how is it used online?

The cop is going over the whole routine, license and registration. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back--wide eyed and white as ghosts. 19 car jokes. If you’re feeling a little dangerous, you can even use these when you get pulled over – but don’t say we didn’t warn you. "I saw a sign that said 'Watch for children' and I thought, 'That sounds like a fair trade.'" There was a moment of silence, then the trooper closes his ticket book, tips his hat, and drives, A lady is speeding to work down HWY 85, when she thinks to herself," there has to be a state trooper on that overpass up there."

There are a couple of ways to go about this. The officer says "What in the world are you doing Olie? Upon arriving home a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. The cop looks up from his ticket pad and says, “I'd have to arrest you.”. Her plane was delayed due to weather and she was 40 minutes late. A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license. He kept accelerating.

for speeding but the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. 100.

Because he couldn't take his foot off the accelerator. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I also enjoy film photography and hiking.

She replied: “I know!

says the policeman as he writes the speeding ticket. Donald was driving , Barack was in the passenger seat ,and Kim Jong Un was riding in the back seat. "No, of course not." he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?"

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast. You Have Won the Internet.

She said,"I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Pennsylvania Trooper's Ball."

The cop begins to decelerate and the car follows suit. Last week it was 60 inches. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn,and yelled,"PULL OVER", So Olie gets pulled over by an officer of the law for running 100 mph through the middle of town with a pig in the passenger seat. The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The policeman then proceeds to prepare to take him to the police station when he says, I also have a gram of cocaine in the glove compartment, a bloody knife from a murder under the carpet, and the car. ... One day, an order went out to the police departments in the Soviet Union that anyone caught speeding, anyone, no matter who, gets a ticket. Police 1: do you know how fast you are going? “That’s a repost, sir. J, Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge, "Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?". The cop approaches your vehicle and says “Do you know how fast you were growing?”. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going? The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. One day, an order went out to the police departments in the Soviet Union that anyone caught speeding, anyone, no matter who, gets a ticket.

i apologize. The officers however don’t recognise him, and Elton shows the a picture online. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?".

The guy says to the trooper "So do these speeding tickets help fund the State Trooper's Ball"? ", He was driving above the speed limit, when a police car suddenly came up in his rearview mirror sirens blaring.

Suddenly he heard sirens behind him. There's a blonde driving down the highway and going about 20 over the speed limit.

". Last week it was 60 inches.

Was going up and down the corridor on her zimmer frame when an elderly retired policeman jumps out in front of her. It was found to cont. I got four speeding tickets and totaled the car. Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. There’s like hundreds of them!”. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration.

He looked in his rearview mirror to see the flashing lights of a police car.

Going over 100 mph, he realizes the civilian's car is going way too fast and needs to slow down.

All of those speeding tickets I've paid *must* be buying them some pretty good stuff. He closed his ticket book, tipp, That desperately needs my help. When he's done he tells the driver, "We don't drive like assholes in Mississippi." As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree. He leans over the side of the horse, and says "That's a nice trike, did Santa give it to you for Christmas?". I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? “You cops should get it together,” she said.

The driver says, "Sorry, officer, I had it on cruise control set at 65; perhaps your radar needs calibrating." See TOP 10 witty one-liners. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.

21. Turns out the officer is also a blonde woman. An old man just fulfilled his lifelong dream and bought a Lamborghini. diffuse the situation with a joke. Guy replies, my wife disappeared 22 years ago, and every time I see a police car I panic: A man in a truck is speeding, looking quite frantic, and gets pulled over by a policeman.

Absolutely hilarious one liners! Officer: Lady, I have stopped you for speeding, you were going 45 miles per hour in a 30 zone. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. Cop says, Sir why was you speeding? One day, the General Secretary was late leaving his country home to get to Moscow. So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. The officer approaches the car and the man lowers his window. The man thought he would outpace it, so he pushed the accelerator to the floor and raced on. When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit. You’re under arrest. The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" The cop yells at him to take it to the zoo, writes.

90 miles an hour. And let’s be honest, dealing with the police isn’t exactly a walk in the park either. An old lady comes out of the car and stumbles up to the cop's window, almost tripping, A man was stopped by the police for speeding. 33 of them, in fact! I am going to confiscate your driver's license and I'm calling for a tow truck to take away your car.

The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. Saturdays Are For the Boys Memes, and For the Boys Only! He says, "I"m just a trying to get dis here pig back to the farmer whose truck dis pig fell. When she had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please" "It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this," she said smiling. The little girl proudly says yes. The cop is going over the whole routine, license and registration. Just imagine – you’re rushing home with the dog food because it ran out and Yoda hasn’t eaten all day, then you see it: the dreaded cop lights are flashing behind you.

Speeding Jokes.

Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking". Shoves him back in the car, walks around to the passenger side, repeating the process. The police officer catches up to the ca. The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" Last month I helped him stretch his ass hole to 18 inches.

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The officer asked the man if he knows why he got pulled over. Guy had a nice sports car and wanted to test it out, then tried to shake the cop when he saw he was being pulled over. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it probably will at one point or another. The officer feeling scared called for backup. You: Whichever option you go with, we’ve put together a list 19 of the funniest one-liners and quotes on speeding that you might just relate to anyway. When the officer was writing them a ticket, his radio buzzed, "We are looking for two child molesters in a blue SUV. Suddenly he thought.

Getting pulled over for speeding sucks big time. Speeding - 5 jokes. He runs up to his limousine and tells the driver to get in the back, and that, She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The cop pulls over behind you on a police motorcycle. I’m a ukulele playing cat lover from the Philippines who just so happens to really love writing. Eventually, the cop pulls over and the car pulls over as well.

"I'm a juggler" says the clown. A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

Click here for more information. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Officer says, "I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses. The man saw the cop and tried going faster. Three little old ladies are traveling down the road when they get pulled over by a police officer. There was a Blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph.

3 weeks ago I stretched it to 36 inches, two weeks ago it was 48 inches. But my attorney, Rudy Giuliani, pled it down to 1st Degree Murder. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. 110. I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper frowns. :Officer: May I see your driver's license? A cop has pulled a man over for going 150 in a 60. Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast? He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

My friend leaned over and said, "Sherman did.".

A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. I’m afraid I.

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Share a Coke with Meme and Your Friends, Enemies and Others! Now I'm going to stretch it to 72 inches. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality. The trooper asks what is a 72 inch (6 foot) asshole going to do.

As a lover of old sports cars, and being tired, the cop gave him an ultimatum.

"Sir, I don't have time for this," sh. ", Jim strode into a stable, looking to buy a horse.

An old age pensioner drove his brand new BMW up to 120 kmph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Garda Car behind him. ...and he has a penguin in the front seat. The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this", A Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. ", Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was.". Now I'm going to stretch it to 72 inches. The passenger pl, The cop says: "You were going 55 mph in a 30 zone".