Insults Describing Margaret Thatcher. Who doesn’t love some good bad jokes — we do! Oops! I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally. We hope these short jokes and puns make you laugh. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof. I recently saw a sign that said “Watch for Animals.” What a great deal! So we stopped playing chess.” — Matt Kirshen, “Crime in multi-story car parks. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. “, “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step he is too old to go anywhere.” — Billy Crystal, “Proof that we don’t understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.” — Jerry Seinfeld, “Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right. Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A baseball walks into a bar —  the bartender throws it out. I’ll meet you at the corner! The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. “It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth? Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot. There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. Any married person should forget their mistakes. Animal testing is a terrible idea — they get all nervous and give the wrong answers, “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. My husband and I were happy for 20 years. Nacho cheese! My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: I just couldn’t concentrate. They don’t remember the lyrics! I ate a clock today. Life is full of surprises, so let us enjoy it and savor all its flavors happily. “I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx, “Does my wife think I’m a control freak? I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t. Women should not have children after 35 — 35 children are enough! If you want more, check out these other jokes. The other day I asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Do you know how scientists freshen their breath?

It was very time-consuming. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. And then we met. I had an “hour glass” figure, but then the sand shifted. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? Well, the flag is a big plus. I don’t have a boyfriend, but I do know a guy who would be really mad to hear that. I’ve called the SWAT team!” — Greg Davies, “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.” — Tom Ward, “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory: all I did was take a day off! All books over five hundred pages that weren’t written by Dickens or a dead Russian are better left on the shelf. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing? Things got a little tense. With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liner jokes for kids that will help them get to the punchline as quickly as possible. It’s impossible to put down.

They press paws. Rather than teach your kid long, complex jokes, go with brevity, especially because these quick and funny one-liner jokes can be a little corny. When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!” — Rodney Dangerfield, “I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.”— Rodney Dangerfield. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest? There was a kidnapping on a school bus but it’s fine.